Before, During and After Pregnancy; Making your man your partner

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There are many things a husband can do to keep his wife from becoming a frantic banshee wanting to choke him in his sleep. Because they do! They watch you while you’re sleeping, wondering how much pressure to apply to the pillow. Before they know it, they are running CSI episodes through their head thinking of how they can get away with it. Maybe I’m exaggerating but I bet some of you know all the countries with no extradition treaties to the US. I can just imagine some of you getting pissed off at your husbands and saying them out loud as you pull the laundry out of the dryer; “Bhutan
Botswana, Brunei, Burkina, Burundi, Cambodia……….” 

There ARE some things the man of the house can do to stem your murderous thoughts:

1.       Men need to understand that women “nest” while pregnant. Their super human mommy powers are starting to develop and with each day they get stronger. With those powers come the dark side of the force (I had to throw in a Star Wars analogy in there) and this dark side is called the “WTF Monster” because most men, when they see it, they say “WTF!”

 When women nest they;

a.       Want things clean! So guys pick up your SHtuff before they have to tell you.

b.      Want things in order! So guys, take on some added responsibility. Taking over some of their responsibilities to help them focus on their pregnancy can be a load off. They can’t do it if their worrying about everything else.

c.       Want things fixed! If Maria could find everything that was broken that took an extra second out of her life, she did. Guys, seek and destroy the honey do list without complaints.

d.      Want a plan of attack! Men are good at this and it’s my favorite part. While Maria was in her last month’s I planned out EVERYTHING! I printed out (for the whole family) my plan of attack. It detailed;

1.       Our primary hospital and secondary just in case we could not make it to the primary

2.       Maps and our route we would take just in case the car broke down

3.       Phone numbers

4.       List of what Maria was allergic to

5.       I went and got pics from the internet of all the family and made them their own ID’s they could hang around their necks “New Grandma” “New Uncle” for fun

6.       Made sure the car was filled with supplies and gas at all times

7.       Made sure I had a bag (her bag was already set up and in the car) for me that included

a.       Snacks

b.      magazines

c.       Extra cloths

d.      Toothbrush and toothpaste

e.      Extra cash

f.        Camera with extra flash card and charger

g.       Both our phone chargers

h.      My computer

2.       Mommy’s need attention. For very good reasons. If this is her first child she may be playing it cool but inside she may be freaking out. If this is number two or three she can feel lost within the family, like she is invisible except for feeding, nursing, laundry…. 

a.       Men can get involved by simply making time for mommy. Dedicate 10 minutes a day to turning the TV off and closing the computer, sitting down and letting her tell you about her day, hopes, dreams, worries, what she is feeling good about or what she is unsure of.

b.      Making time for her to workout is important if not because you want her to look good and be healthy but prenatal diabetes is REAL and it can harm the mommy and child.

                                                               i.      Maria worked out in the mornings. My job was to keep the kids away from her once they got up or when I got home, take the kids and do something while she got her workout time in the evenings.

                                                             ii.      To help her workout, we would walk together at night.

                                                            iii.      I was her drug dealer. When I got up, I would get her prenatals together and make her take them with a full glass of water. Since she has a blood disorder I would make her take extra iron when she started contracting. Almost every night still to this day I make her tea. Normal tea now, pregnancy tea when she was pregnant and lactating tea when she was nursing. It’s cheap and it was more about showing her that I was paying attention to her.

                                                           iv.      While she is running on the treadmill I quickly make her egg whites with sun dried tomatoes and oatmeal.

                                                             v.      I was her “DO IT” man. Maria would wake up and say “I’m not feeling motivated today. Should I go to the gym?” and I would say “DO IT! Stop thinking about it and DO IT.” I’m pretty no nonsense and I add to the NO EXCUSE way of living. Now, if I saw her sick or sore I would say “Take a hot bath” or “Get a massage”

c.       Making time for the things that make her happy. Most people eventually learn that if the person they love is happy, they will be happy. For Maria;

                                                               i.      She likes to visit with friends

                                                             ii.      She likes to work out

                                                            iii.      She likes to write

                                                           iv.      She likes date nights

3.       Date nights! Maria and I have three kids. We are fortunate to live around our family and they are outstanding at taking the kids for a few hours so we can have some time together. If you don’t have family that is NO EXCUSE!

a.       Have good friends that can watch them for at least two hours.

b.      If you are saying “I don’t have any friends like that?” that means you have not MADE any friends like that. Join a free mommy group. MAKE friends. Dad’s can meet other dad’s.

c.       If money is tight, see where you can save. One of my favorite topics is investing. I can look at pretty much any budget and tell a person where they can cut back to save or do things differently. I remember sneaking in subway into the movies.

d.      Trade! I watch your kids if you watch mine.

e.      If time is an issue, plan ahead and make time.

4.       Men need to watch out for postpartum depression and depression in general. 

Some signs are

Agitation or irritability

Changes in appetite

Feelings worthless or guilty

Feeling withdrawn or unconnected

Lack of pleasure or interest in most or all activities

Loss of concentration

Loss of energy

Problems doing tasks at home or work

Significant anxiety

Thoughts of death or suicide

Trouble sleeping

I know men work hard. We usually don’t get the accolades we are due during pregnancy because the focus is on mom and the baby. But, the more you do NOW the more grateful she will be later. Some men are doing great and deserve being told so. If you are not telling us what you need, we can't read your minds. Make a plan, include your man in it so everyone is on the same page and road to success. 

 My "family ID's"

 Nesting before the baby got here!