Finding Your Soul Mate; A guide to getting what you want and need

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First off, most people know that I don’t believe that two separate people are cosmically bound for each other. I write poetry and this is a great fantasy but it’s far from reality. (I will include a poem at the end of this.) I DO believe in “Soul mates” but not in the sense that others do. They think a soul mate is a person who just appears out of thin air, loving everything about you and wanting to put up with your BS for ever, WITH A SMILE. 

The kind of soul mate I believe in is the one that, in life, will resonate WITH you. The frequency will get faint sometimes but the radio IS on and you CAN adjust the rabbit ears! You may BE with your soul mate RIGHT NOW; you both just don’t know it yet or have made it so. Yes, you may be married right now and have been for years but you both have not made each other your “Soul mates.” Here are some things that helped me.

1.       Be the person that the person you want will want you.

I really can’t press upon the importance of setting yourself up for success. This is where so many relationships fail, in that two people never had anything in common or grow apart. I am saying be yourself but also be an explorer of life. Set goals and make a standard. You will most likly not be meeting doctors in a bar but you will find the cowboy you’ve been dreaming of at a hokey tonk. Know what you are looking for. Sometimes we have to break from what we know and try other things. My parents divorced because they never had nothing in common to begin with and later down the line, they were unwilling to explore the others passions to BE two people but one love.

Sit down and write a list of what you want in another person. Ask yourself after writing it “Would that person want me?” You have to set yourself up to attract what you want. If I want a wife who loves kids, I have to be a stable man who has compassion. Women are better at picking up the primitive signals that convey “SUPPORTIVE, STRONG, PROVIDER, MATE!”. Unfortunately, the metro sexual male and societies new male roles have bended the signal so much that even women don’t have a clue of what to look for and there are so many bullshitters out there it's hard to find authentic people.

If in a relationship, try writing a list of what you both like. DO the things you both like and explore the difference between you. Write out a bucket list! Make it like a cool scroll and hang it up on the wall. Include BIG dreams and small ones.

2.       Know what you want and DO NOT want

If I had dollar for every time I heard “But I thought he would change.” I would be in Fiji right now. That means that you saw something you didn’t like and thought that it would change. It goes along with the surprised face of the guy who knowingly dated a married woman and is now shocked that she cheated on him? Not too many people are picky when it comes to relationships. Being young (I was one) and focusing on the superficial certain failure.

Write a list of what you want in a person. It’s based off of your perception of what is perfect. Here is mine; (do not worry about superficial stuff, that is a given)

a.      Stability in life

b.      Career

c.       Family values. What type of family do they come from and what are their personal opinions on family?

d.      Things in common

e.       Faith or spirituality

f.        Education

g.      Experience

h.      Integrity

i.         Goals in life

j.        Passion

k.       Health

l.         Humor

m.    Maturity

n.      Communication

o.      How they deal with stress

p.      Sexual compatibility 

Now, the key is understanding that YOU can’t change people or get everything but you can find people that are willing to work on the things that you want improvement on.

3.       Be yourself

But Dave, you said “Be the person that the person you want will want you.” Yes I did. You should want to become the best person you can be, however you measure that. I did not say “Be a fake.” There is enough of that in this world. In high school I started to work out at the gym because I was a small guy and I knew that women liked strong men. Now I do it to keep fit and active so I can hike with my daughters and chase after my boys (a thing I am preparing so I can chase after the boys who try and date my daughters.) My point is that I loved playing sports and I wanted to be stronger at it while lapping in the side effects of looking better. Trust me; I was a 90’s kid. The nerds are the IN thing now with hot girls, we were not then.

Write down WHO you are (right now) and understand that the person you are will be different in time. What you are good at and what you are bad at. Work on both of those. One of the goals in life should be; being well rounded and happy.

4.       Be honest

Honesty is the best policy because “Faking it to make it” is over rated and most do horrible trying it. You can’t fake being funny just like you can’t fake being good in bed. Either you are, or you suck, which is an ironic comedy in itself, or a Greek tragedy. BUT, knowing you suck means you can work on it. Denying that you suck when everyone tells you it, is being on the cast of Jersey Shore. “Know thyself and be true.”

                I sucked at a lot of things;

a.      Box car derby while in boy scouts; Have you ever seen a car stop on a decline when God and gravity say it should roll!

b.      Spelling; I think my eldest daughter could run circles around me.

c.       Taking care of cars; My first car should have exploded. At the end of two years when it finally did my father asked what type of oil I used when I changed it? “Oil change?” I said

d.      Selling drugs in high school; I once bought a nickel bag of weed to sell. I was so terrified of my father finding it that I sold it back to the person I bought it from, for less.

e.       Being cool; I wore cross colors and HY-Tek boots once….for a  year.

f.        My Senior Photo; I was trying to be funny and it back fired. I looked like an awkward wannabe gangster holding a teddy bear. 

All of these things and more, I sucked at. I dedicated my life to being better and now;

g.      Can build almost anything. Currently I have designed a renewable energy source based off of hydrodynamics.

h.      I love to write.

i.         I can change out almost any part on a car.

j.        Selling drugs failed but now I am great a marketing

k.       Cool is a state of mind and I’m freezing

l.         When I get rich enough, I will do over that photo, buy back every edition ever printed, re-print and send to all my classmates and pretend it never happened.

Know and love thy self. Every day is a new day to change and be better or just grow. I am far from perfect but I also recognize that and strive to the best "soul mate" I can be. And now that poem I promised.

Warmth in Winter
by David G. Casler

How can I love you?
The only way I know how; which like the new days and life,
is bright and ever moving forward.

How can I adore you?
With my understanding into the depths of what IS you,
always swimming in the new tide of your essence.

How can I make you smile?
Well, I would fall to make you laugh,
but the sensual kisses of happiness are easier on the knees, and always fill the soul with passionate giggles.

How can I make you understand?
With time and sonnets,
like the ever blowing winds of change, that I sing through storms,
for you.

How are you chosen?

You must be strong in heart and mind,
knowing that I see your heart as an island,
that if I dare left, the fierce winds would slam me up against the rocky cliffs of isolation and agony.

You must be confident,
knowing my mind will only grasp your beauty,
what you may fear, I can’t see, because I choose not to see anything but you.

You must be my balance,
as so I am there for you always, you must stand by me when
the scales have tipped ever so slightly in any direction.

A watched pot never boils, and eyes that don’t lovingly look never see the changes of life and people.
What I am now, that you adore, will be more than you can ever imagine,
so you must take notice of life, and appreciate growth ,
as you do a baby born from the love of two people.
Will you not notice every step, every new word, every new facial expression.
And so that is the attention two love’s must give one another,
loving the endless new.

How are you chosen?

You choose to BE.

 We're nuts

 In Paris while mommy keeps baby warm